I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
