Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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