roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
