I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
