I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize