That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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