The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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