your parents love me but you hate me
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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