It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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