Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
