i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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