we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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