i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They took my balls.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
