Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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