Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
