shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
