Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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