I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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