dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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