he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
