3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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