so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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