she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
