Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
