Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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