Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
