Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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