cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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