u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
