remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
