So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
