Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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