No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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