Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
