If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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