A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
