you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
