How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize