new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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