just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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