a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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