You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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