Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
