Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
