She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
