I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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