i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
