somebody snuck up and got me drunk
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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