he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
