...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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