Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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