he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
