where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
