Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
