We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
