Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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