69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
