My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
