omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
