my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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