It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
