You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
