The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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