Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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