my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize