like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
