Tell her she can't have a vagina
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
